Come for the vittles!
New jaV on Monday! Tonight I'm sailing
to Croatia to have my groin waxed on the Adriatic sea. It's a
personality quirk - don't judge me.
And then there was - that.
Murger murger murger
I never want to work another
New Years Eve as long as
live. I SHOULD be writing to say that I got shitfaced and blew off the
comic. INSTEAD I'm writing to say I worked until 2 AM and am
tired. I don't have an excuse for yesterday - yesterday I just
slacked. (I didn't want to start the storyline - which is already
written - and I couldn't think of a one-shot, so I just organized all
my comics hoping an Idea would come, but nothing did. My comics were
very unorganized. Hmm, this is a long parenthetical meandering. I feel
like Ken Kesey.) My New Years resolution? Drink More. I'm serious. I do
too much working and too much farting around. I'm
gonna start drinking more. I was at a decent clip last year, and I
slowed down way too much. Booze is the fuel that makes things move.
Through space. That's the ticket...to SPACE! Comic tomorrow? Only time
will tell! Come back anyway, you've got nothing better to do. In SPACE!
T-MINUS is T!
The new storyline has been delayed by
the overlong coloration and page-making activities I undertook
restoring and finishing the X-mas Carol.
I didn't get to sleep until after 6 AM last night. It's true! The
hecticity of the holidays is still evident at my workplace, where I am
covering extra shifts in an attempt to gain monetary excellence. I will
put a comic up tomorrow, I haven't decided if it will be the beginning
of the storyline I've planned. Starting a storyline is always a big
commitment. For now, enjoy the X-mas
Carol and HAYTLPolitics.
There should be JUST enough funniness in them to tide you over.
Now Here's This!
got FOUR count them FOUR more comics to color now. I could only do two
tonight because I worked late on account of the GODDAM LORD OF THE
RINGS MOVIE! It's STILL selling out the theatre next to my garage,
that's like a half-hour rush right at the end of my shift, so my
paperwork takes forever etc...Anyway, sundays are slow, there's no
reason I shouldn't get the rest done and up tomorrow. Who knows tho.
Only the Shadow. And God I guess, if he'd ever show his fuckin' face.
...this throws kind of a gear in the
works, cause now I have to color 5 or six old comics. I got 2 done
tonight - the ones I thought I was gonna upload now - but they won't
make any sense without the older ones, so I'll do those tomorrow night
and upload everything for sunday morning. See you tomorrow.
It's cool baby!
Yeah, four new strips this weekend - then an interactive
bidness for your pleasure, followed abruptly by the return of jaV in
all it's majesty. Whatever!
Yulp,I leff my scanner cord in the old house. Problem should be
resolved on the morrow. Dinna wanna leave you with nuthin, so's I spent
a long time doing stoned drawings. This is the fruit of my labor, taste
it lest yee be tossed from the kingdom. Or was it t'other way round.
Anyway, If I keep talking like this I'll want to give myself a wedgie,
so I bid you adeu! ADEU DAMN YOU!
Wow, it really doesn't seem like it's been two weeks since I put a
comic up. Time flies when your life is flip-flopping allova the place.
Expect a comic tomorrow as well, and hopefully Friday too. I'll be
moving into my new house on the first, and it'll likely take me a bit
to get settled. In fact, I might be without internet access for a week
or so. If that happens, I will certainly be walking down to the library
and posting on the forum to let everyone know the skinny. It shouldn't
be too long until everything gets back to normal - Better than normal
actually. Trust me when I say that we're over the hump and there are
smooth seas not far ahead. Fjord Pjinto!
: And I can't believe all the Cheeto's are gone!
MAYBE you've noticed the comic hasn't been updated a lot lately. Thing
is, I found out that my dad has terminal cancer last week, and I'm sort
of pre-occupied with that most of the time. Expect a new comic tomorrow
(not about cancer).
: Constructed of Currency
So I went out and spent alot of money on this first run of T-shirts. I
spent about 20 bucks on shirts, (color) and 14 bucks on 5 fucking
sheets of "dark color" transfer paper. The light color paper was the
same price for 12 sheets. Anyway, hopefully I'll sell one to make up
for the one I'm giving away. But what's done is done. In other contest
news: Bobby Sadr PLEASE contact me, I have lost your original
e-mail and I cannot send your prize until I hear from you! Anyhoo, this
storyline served a purpose, so it didn't HAVE to be funny. Don't you
feel better now? Y'see, I'm not sick of drawing jaV, nor do I plan on
becoming sick of it - But I AM sick of writing almost exclusively 3
panel jokes. So now, you'll get 3 panels every now and then, but you'll
also get 4 or 5 or 6 or 4 and a half or 1 and three quarters...Dig?
Well, what's done is done...again. Stay tuned for some 1-shots and then
a storyline featuring everyone's favorite newscaster (After Kent
Brockman and Tom Tucker) Dan Package.
: And the Winner is...
The competition for the contest was FIERCE. Judging the entries proved
to be a grueling task. The WinnerS HAVE been chosen. I'm not going to
anounce them HERE. You'll have to go to the Results
Page. By the by, I've been watching cartoon network lately, Adult
Swim actually, but - right before it comes on - there are a few of the
regular kiddie commercials that CN runs. Anyways, I saw a commercial
for Skippy Squeeze Packs. It was a bunch of pre-teens doing "extreme
sports" (with three helmets and eight kneepads apiece) And the main
pre-teen was rapping the jingle, ("Squeeze! It's the Skippy! It's the
Skippy you SQUEEZE!) as other extreme-sports kids squeezed
peanut-butter out of a tube into their mouths...That's all. I just
wanted to share.
: Renaissance, man.
Story ended, finally. That was the longest one in awhile. I think most
of it was funny, tho...right? Anyway...
Despite the hick-ups at first, this job is turning out to be the best
thing that ever happened to the comic. I drew 4 comics today, that's
like, almost a fuckin' week! If I draw even 2 comics a day the next two
days (one more day at the slow garage this week) I'll be almost 2 weeks
ahead on the comic for the first time in - - EVER. And I could
conceivably draw another EIGHT comics on those days! Depending on how
many I can write while sitting on my ass staring at my thumbs.
Searching for jokes with no stimuli tends to take longer than drawing
the actual comic. But with my own undivided attention for 8 hours, how
could I NOT write 2 strips a day, maybe 4! I DID buy a Gameboy Advance
SP today, so that might cut into the comic time a tad...Still, 2 a day
ain't shabby. Remember to get your CONTEST
ENTRY in. You can enter multiple times to increase your chances of
winning. FREE T-SHIRT! Participate in
the jaV community!! DAMMIT!
: Backroom Deals with Greasy Congressmen
Ok, I genuinely believe that I can keep jaV at a continuous 5 a week
clip. My work schedule is such as I work 2 days a week at a REALLY slow
garage. Barring any unforseen problems (that's always a death-knell
isn't it?) I should be able to easily draw 2 comic a day on those days.
The only real variable is whether or not I'll always feel like drawing
one on my days off, which are sundays and wednesdays, for now. Only
time will prove me right or wrong, but I really will make every effort
to bring you the classy sophisticated comics that you've come to expect
from this franchise. In Contest News: You only have until June 1st
to submit your entry and possibly win the "fantastic" prize that goes
along with it. That's only SIX DAYS people!! Also, I'd really
like to thank the few people who have transformed the forum from the
Ghost Town it was, to the struggling, unpopular coffee shop across from
Starbucks it is now. Keep it up, isn't it always cool to be in on
something at the ground floor? Well jaV is so far below the ground it
has worms trying to crawl in it's orifaces
Yeah, shit is shitty these days. I'm currently working on a scheme
where I can fit the comic into my schedule on a regular basis. The bad
news being it will be only 5 days a week. Still, that's better than the
2 or 3 days a week it's been over the last month or so. Right now I'm
sick as a BASTARD...AGAIN! I think the rule should be you have to be
healthy for at least as long as you were sick before you can get sick
again. I was shafted with a vengeance. Speaking of vengeance: I was
scolded by a religious co-worker today for saying "God Dammit". He said
it offended him, which I could understand if not 30 minutes earlier he
wasn't telling off-color jokes that he needed to preface with "I'm not
racist against blacks or anything but..." The moral of this story is
that no one is holy, not any of you bible-thumping humps, not anyone.
Oh, I say the Matrix yesterday. Very cool, tho I'm not convinced it was
as good as the first. Anyway, I'll post a comic on the Forum tomorrow
if everyone is good. It won't be a jaV comic, but some other comic I
drew the other day. I'd post it tonight, but it's late and I don't
wanna hassle with my scanner. Night.
: Copulating Deaf Mice.
I like this comic. It's funny to me, so SUCK IT! Seriously, if I can't
put up a comic just for me once in a while I'm in the wrong bidness!
The caption contest is still going on. Prizes guaranteed to please! I
got drunk today (cinco de mayo). It's like the Mexican St. Patty's day!
: Peanut Butter and Love
So, I guess I have a hard time responding to E-mail. I get a very small
amount of fanmail, and still I realize it takes me forever to respond
to it. I could just say "Hey, thanks!" and move on, but I feel that
would be an impersonal and insincere correspondence (even tho I AM
being sincere when I say it! THANKS!). So I try to come up with
something to say, and put it off for a few days, and - next thing I
know - it's been weeks, or months. Now I feel like an ASSHOLE! This
person took time out of their day to compose an electronic ode to me,
and I can't even say thanks! But I CAN say thanks! I just wanna say it
in some interesting way that isn't just gonna look like some phony
form-letter. It's a quandry, and just another stone to pile on top of
all my other social and mental difficulties. There IS a point to this
rambling diatribe, by the way. It's that I seem to have no problem
saying whatever shit comes to mind on my Message Board.
So, instead of waiting weeks for an e-mail, why not post?! I post
every day, multiple times even! It's CRAZY! Sure it's slightly less
personal than an E-mail, but it's a pretty graphic and interactive peek into the
and borderline insane
psyche of an unpopular cartoonist. I could charge ADMISSION for that shit! Go
post. RIGHT NOW!
I'm laying it on the table: Any TRUE fan of jaV would not be afraid
to the jackassery of the forum! For
the good of just another Vice! FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANKIND!!
: FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!
So this is my first stab at characature, and I don't think it looks
half-bad, considering. Of course I'm talking about the picture of Chuck
Heston on the left. Seriously tho, did anyone else see that NRA
resignation speech? He's BAT-SHIT crazy from Alzheimers or what the
hell ever. Also, I officially declare Jimmy Kimmel Live the best late
night talk show. Sorry Conan, you're too "wacky" for your own good.
Kimmel can make comedy gold without sketches involving a masturbating
bear (Whom I love, and will miss). Hey, still new shit happenin' on the
Board everyday. Don't you want to be involved in that shit?
Speaking of shit, there are a couple of words in this writing that I
very possibly misspelled. I bring this up because I am making a
conscious decision not to check their spelling, and should be treated
accordingly. WITH CONTEMPT! Goodnite.
: "I-It's Spinal!" - Mike Tyson
I wasn't kidding last night, I really fucked my back up. Somehow,
hunched over at my computer, being as immobile as a corpse - I managed
to tweak a muscle in my lower back. Fire! Fire! So I was laying on my
side in the fetus position for what seemed like forever, trying to
minimize the pain. Fortunately, I had some muscle relaxants in the
closet (I literally had to CRAWL to them). And they worked so well, I
was even able to put up the comic after an hour or so. Sleep. Today at
work was Hell because I'm coming down with a cold, on top of not being
able to move without pain. STILL! I managed to draw (not ink) a comic.
I am a HERO! Good thing I have tomorrow off to recuperate (or get
worse). That's all for now, you knuckleheads! I'm stoned to the bone on
: Inspirational Haiku
I'm just kidding, I don't even know what that means. So, yeah, for
those of you who don't READ THE FORUM,
I never went a single day without posting something. I am a HERO!
Anyway, I got 2 comics drawn today at work. I hope to do two more
tomorrow too. Woah...my back just, totally went out. I was lying on the
floor, immobile for a few minutes...now the pain is incredible, I have
to go. (this shit isn't supposed to happen to a fucking 20 year old!
I'm not a 900lb shut in either!)
: Poop from the FUTURE!
NEW T-Shirt designs on the message board.
Another late night, fortunately after tomorrow I have a day off to
catch up. So no matther WHAT there WILL be a comic tomorrow. I'd bet
your first born on that people, it's a long shot that's itchin to pay
off! Personally, I have a gambling problem, so I abstain. MESSAGE FORUM!
The word "forum" only SOUNDS classy. In reality it's as filthy as you
: Poop in the furnace
Ok, realistically, the comic could go back to 5 days a week now that
I'm working - BUT! I don't want that to happen. So I will
continue to work dilligently to see that does not occur. Some nights,
however, the comic just cannot be done. Tonight is one of those nights.
To salve the wound a little, I will post NEW T-Shirt designs on
message board. Either that or random sketches and shit. The effect
being that there will always be a reason to visit the site, even when
the worst occurs and I find myself unable to get a comic up. For now,
wish me luck and please adjourn to the forum, where
magesty awaits (Oh, and vote on it, dammit! Consumer research is your
: More like SHITSPOT! HAHAHAHA!
Ahhhhh...That's precious. Anyhoo, Keenspot and all that. Bitch bitch
bitch. Autokeen seems to think that jaV is a day behind the world, and
as much as I'd like that to be true, I live in the same space/time
constraints as the rest of you shmoes. Keenspot does this shit alot,
despite what you've been led to believe. Usually when it happens, I'm
up late enough to check - and fix the comic. Lately, however, I have
been working late shifts and early shifts in the worse possible
combination. Now, I know that I said that my job wouldn't interfere,
but clearly that was a stupid thing to promise. My schedule is evening
out over the next week, and everything should go back to normal. How
many of you thought that was Eve-ning!? ENGLISH CRAZY!
: The Professional
So, yeah, I work at a parking garage. And tonight, I drew today and
tomorrows comics while at work. Which means, I got paid to draw my
comics. Which makes me a professional cartoonist. EAT MY FAME, MINIONS!
Please let me cling to my delusions. Anyway, today's comic is wordy,
but I like it, so I hope you read it. That is all.
: CONGRATULATIONS!...FOR ME!
So, this month, jaV got over 100,000 pageviews. That's right, I'm
excited about 100,000 pageviews. And do you know why? Well, I'll TELL
you why. Because that's the most I've ever gotten. Ever. Now, while
that may pale in comparison to other Keenspot sites, or indeed most
other comic sites that currently exist, it's still important for me.
It's like learning that a 3 inch penis is only 2 inches below average.
Well...really it's nothing like that, and I wish I hadn't mentioned it.
Uhh, anyway, as promised here's a little something extra for those
loyal jaV fans who reloaded the page 2,000 times a day this month: A weird picture of Trout I drew while I
was stoned! It's gonna be on the cover of the Keenspot Spotlight for
Free Comic Book Day. It'll be in the back, mostly obscured by more
popular comic book characters. Thank you, I love you all.
: Don't Call it a Cop-Out, I've been lame for years!
Hey, sorry. I got a new job, and it kind of fell in my lap and I
haven't had time to get ahead on the comic yet, but I promise it won't
interfere anymore after today. I'm just like, really tired right now.
I'll make it up to you tomorrow with some gay-ass extra crap, and a
better explaination. Peace, fellow kats.
: Love in a time of Hate
I'm here, labias and genitalmen, to preach a message of love to the
world. I think that right now, in this time of growing aggression and
malice, it's important that we kick the lovin' into high-gear. So I
guess what I'm saying here is, fuck an Arab. Wait...Well fuck somebody.
Fuck them nice, and cuddle afterwards, or leave the money on the
nightstand. And for you sexless nerds out there, yearning for a boob to
snog - masturbate more. Yes, pull out all your old porno and re-live it
like the first day you met. Go to town dry or with a dollop of apple
essence hair conditioner in your hands. Mix it up. Don't be afraid of
bleeding, that's just your body loving you back. Pretend it's
Valentine's day, everyday (only don't kill yourselves. Or do. I mean,
if the situation is hopeless, I can't talk you out of it) and just
spread the love thick and sticky all over the world. Now off young
lovers (and older, less attractive, lovers) and fornicate like the
world will end tomorrow, cause when it does, you'll wish you had.
Fucked, that is. I don't know if I was being clear earlier.
: Bad Habit
I don't have anything meaningful to say, so here's some vintage
I hates computers. I hates 'em good. Don't point out
the obvious, please. My rantings know no logic, only raw emotion. That
emotion? Sleepy. That's right. Uuuuuuh...I am superman. OH! My computer
sucks. Someone send me a new computer. I'll buy you an ice cream,
promise. I shouldn't write when I'm tired, it's a bad habit to get in
to. Like smoking, only it doesn't kill you. And what doesn't kill you
makes you stronger. So...I guess it's not that bad of a habit after
all. In fact, it's like Tae-Bo, in that it makes you stronger, and
Billy Blanks is involved. By involved I mean I'm talking about typing
when tired and when tired-typing I mentioned Billy Blanks, (just a
second ago, weren't you listening?) thus involving him. Drawing
comparisons RULES. RADISH!
I didn't say that was going to be meaningful either.
: Giving Butt-sex a Bad Name
If I may go off on a moral tangent for a moment, I'd like to call shame
on the attendees of the Academy awards. These people boo'd Michael
Moore, just for having the BALLS to speak his mind, and these SAME
PEOPLE gave Roman Polansky a STANDING OVATION. Roman Polansky, if
you'll recall drugged and anally raped a thirteen year old girl
and fled the country to avoid prosecution. Now, I'd hate to think I'm
alone in the opinion that once you do something that malevolently
deviant, IT DOESNT MATTER HOW FUCKING GOOD YOUR MOVIE IS! The fact that
he was nominated is bad enough, the fact that he won is even worse, but
the fact that he was given a standing ovation makes me want to drop a
daisy cutter on the Academy. Who needs another Nazi movie anyway.
Haven't we exploited the Holocaust enough?
: Recycled Goodness
So some of you might find today's strip familiar. It is, in fact, the
beginning of the "Lost" jaV storyline. If you'll take a trip with me,
back to a time few remember, let's say fall of 2001, I'll tell you a
tale. One day, Roger was writing a storyline about Trout joining the
Army, then a couple of planes slammed into a couple of tall buildings,
killing a lot of people. I felt, at that time, that the public needed a
more lighthearted storyline, so I chucked said Army storyline into the
fire in favor of the now infamously fantastic Homo Sticker. Well, the
time seems ripe for some (apolitical, for the most part) wartime
satire, so I decided to revive it. My initial intention was just to
rename those first 6 or 7 comics and re-run them, picking up the
storyline where they left off, but my natural vanity prevailed. Looking
at these comics (now almost 2 years old), I couldn't help but be moved
to vomit at their poor artistic quality. So I decided to re-draw the
lot, making these less re-runs than re-VAMPS, which is a much classier
suffix. Wouldn't you agree? Oh, and I know that it not being August
accounts for a minor continuity error, but bear with me. Anyway, get
ready for the epic that almost never was, and remember - if you don't
read this, the terrorists will have won.
Yeah, I spent so much time doing the above animation (for the upcoming
cast page renovation) that I didn't have time to draw tonights comic.
So, look at it, and wish it was funny and visually interesting.
: Saving myself for Silverman
Alright, here's the comic. I woke up this morning and the scanner
worked. I'm convinced some nefarious computer Jesus character is
playing tricks on me. In other news, I have mixed feelings about one of
my favorite comedians, Jimmy Kimmel, dating (and probably having sweaty
sex with) my dream woman, Sarah Silverman. One day I'll be famous, and
she'll be older and emotionally wounded by failed relationships, and I
will swoop in like a chickenhawk and make her my wife. Either that or I
stew in my small hell and eventually die of broken dreams.
So, I busted my ASS to get a comic done tonight and now my fucking
scanner is sending me strange alien messages about "abnormal program
errors". It's been driving me insane for the last half hour and I've
finally decided that it's too late to update now. I'm going to go to
bed, and when I wake up, I'll try to fix it. This especially pisses me
off because I DID do the comic, I DID! It's about pornography! I hope
you all won't leave to never return thinking I'm up to my old shit
again, cause I'm not. It is my contention that my old shit shall never
return! NEVER! Guh. Anyway, I'm going to sleep, sorry. I WILL get the
comic up tomorrow, or die trying (seriously, I think my scanner might
I've been hearing that word alot lately, it's like some
pop-nerd-culture term that totally flew over my head. Anyway, sorry
about the comic (lack thereof) yesterday, I wasn't feeling well. As
always, I'd like to say that fan love keeps me alive, and keeps me
healthy. As I haven't had any fanmail or forum posts wishing me well in
awhile, I COULD blame your apathy for my sickness. But I won't. But I
could...But I won't.
: The fresh scent of feet
Well, that's the end of another jaV storyline. A short one this time,
thankfully. I think I'll try and keep them brief from now on. Usually
they end up wearing on because I forget how to end them, and just keep
them going. This time, I didn't know how to end it, and then I just
ended it. Did that make sense? OH! The Keenspot forums are back up, and
I urge all you scattered fans to post and show your support, even if
you have NOTHING to say. Seriously. Or E-mail me. Or both! OOOOH! DO
BOTH! I'd wet myself, a second time. And now, a meaningful quote from
Karva: Oh, I'm glad Tac isn't gay
Karva: The ladies need him
: Won't...you be... my neighbor... *cries*
This morning America lost a great man. I honestly came close to tears
watching the Nightline interview with Mr. Rogers. He was a genuinely
kind man who led me and many other children through troubled times, and
I truly believe he is the reason I'm not more fucked up than I am. The
world will miss him. Incidentally, Mr. Rogers was one of the top 3
involuntary nicknames I recieved throughout my K-12 education. The
other two were "Roger Rabbit" and "Rodger Dodger".
: Wake up and smell the Farrel
I saw Old School tonight. It was funny, I give it a thumbs up. I'd put
it on par with Road Trip, and leagues better than Stealing Harvard,
which I also saw recently. In other news, I'm on a team of Keenspotters
currently working on some as-yet-unnamed animation project. Should be
pretty cool, might never happen, we'll see. That is all.
: Freebasing Jello powder
So, just a head's up, I'm taking this weekend off. I'm working on my
Free Comic Book Day page and I also need to get some new pens, as my
.03 micron is wearing out rapidly. I will return in full force monday.
I'm really excited about this Free Comic Book thing, it'll be the first
time one of my comics is ever published, and that's a milestone for me.
Some of you may remember I was credited as "contributing jackass" in
Paul Southworth's Black Plague #1, but this is my first actual print
appearance. I'm giddy, like a newborn schoolgirl...That didn't make any
: You'll never guess!
Why no comic monday? WHY INDEED! Would you believe the dog ate my
homework? Good, cause that's the line I'm feeding you! No, seriously, I
got stoned and fell asleep. Glamorous, my life is. This is bound to
happen once in awhile, and so long as I just get stoned and fall asleep
occasionally (oh, let's say, once a month) I think we can all be happy
with that. I know I can! Zzzzzzzzzz
: That's the way a dog sees it.
Today's comic is black and white for two reasons: 1. I didn't want to
color it. 2. I drew it possibly 2 years ago, and wanted to keep a
nostalgic feel. Most of that is bullshit, I just didn't want to color
it. I don't know why I never posted this comic before, lord knows I've
posted worse ones in the past. I hope everyone is gearing up to hit the
comic book shops May 2nd for FREE COMIC BOOK DAY! The Keenspot book
will have an all new, exclusive jaV comic, page sized! It'll be cool.
: S N A F U
So for 4 days I've been unable to connect to the internet. It seems
SBC-Yahoo, which used to be the perfectly functional Prodigy Internet,
decided that their customers didn't matter. So after hours arguing with
customer service reps, each more surly and ignorant than the last, I
said (loudly) "FUCK THIS! AND FUCK YOU! YOU FUCK!" And got an account
with AT&T Worldnet, which seems like it's own set of ass pains, but
AT LEAST I can connect to the internet and update my goddamn comic!
What's more, I guess I had a newsbox friday and I don't know how many
new readers I lost when the comic didnt update sunday and monday. But
such is life, I won't dwell on the nasties. Anyhoo, it was my intention
to start a Mammoth Murger Storyline today but, as I was handcuffed to
the radiator by SBC-Yahoo, I was unable to work out some of the
problems facing me. Namely - working with KS tech guy Nate on getting
murger.justanothervice.com going so it could take advantage of
autokeen. What this means to you, dear reader, is this: You are robbed
of one comic. Which, under the circumstances, is actually very minimal.
Tomorrow, Murger will update (manually, until I can swing it
otherwise). The main page of jaV will be switched to the Murger main
page for the duration of the storyline. I hope this all makes sense,
I'm both flustered and hungry right now, and those things work against
my literary abilities. OH! One more important thing: Should this
nonsense happen again, and I am left without internet service, I urge
all of you to CHECK THE MESSAGE BOARD! I will go to the library and
post information and, if possible, the comic. Yet another incentive to
keep an eye on the message board. Thank you, good day!
: The Velveteen Touch of a Dandy Fop
Listen up fellows, the jig is up! From now on there will be enough
comics for all of the world. I climbeth upon the roof of this slum and
proclaim that there shalt be 7 comics a week! And that they shall be of
the jaV and MURGER kind! And that as long as these comics exist there
will be peace on Earth! And with this peace there will be cake, and
smoothies! But remember, you must do your part, for as readers of these
graven images you take on the burden of 'Fan' and as such, you must
cater to the every whim of your new god...me! My firsteth decree is
that there shall be e-mails! That there should be Forum postings! That
there should be no cake and smoothies until this is done! After all, if
Buffy the Vampire Slayer can have a fan community, why can't I? Now,
you have your mission...I salute you!
: Say dat then!
The results are in, most of you want me to do whatever the hell I want.
Runner up, with only 1 less vote: Go F myself. I can't tell if I'm
making any headway here. Anyhoo, new poll up, I haven't done a
character poll since I only had 3 characters, so this might be
interesting. But probably not.
STOP! Collaborate and listen, Ice is back with all kinds of dope
shit. Really it's less dope than it is
r a m b l i n g. . . but here goes! Firstly, I've got 2 good reasons
and one flimsy excuse to explain away my slacking: I've got a job,
I'm sick, and I bought a playstation2.
Now I know, these are lame, but I'm a very lame person! Anyway,
I've got big plans. Firstly, I'm going to write
this news whilst nonsober...CHECK! Firstly,
I'm Firsty... CHECK! I'm gonna get organized,
friends and neighbors. I vow it like I've vowed so many things before!
I've tried the datebook thing, and that ain't working. Since I'm a
computer geek who doesnt use his computer,
I've decided to dowload some kind of online calendar thingy. It's gotta be
out there, this IS cyberspace. That'll get me on
the computer every day! Which is a good start to running a
successful comic strip site! With my new attatchment to the beige box,
I'll schedule my self crazy, dividing all my time into strictly
regimented grid coordinates. I'm also gonna use this to help me
save money. My new organized self is going
to watch his budget, because he's got fancy plans to attend comic-con
like the nerd he is. I get the feeling I'll see no jaV fans there for
several reasons, firstly (and mostly) my apaulling lack of fanbase and
embarassingly low popularity! Nextly, I'm Firstly. Rectum? Damn near
Sanctum! And again at five AM and every 90 minutes until death. Who wants to wish me luck in my
organizing!?? Or to remind
me that I'm sposed to be a new improved person when I
forget about my drunken intentions? All you kind people who e-mailed me about the high
comics, I love you, I mean to mail you back. I will
: Shanked in the skull
Hey, remember back all that time ago, when I had a poll about a chick
in jaV? Well, here it is. And by 'it' I mean to objectify the cartoon
woman to which I am referring. Get used to it, because now that there's
finally a broad on the plate, it means I get to insult women more
readily. I love this country. Oh, I also love Sweden, because of THIS!
Isn't that just delightfully pee-laughter inducing? I know it is.
Anyhoo, new comic monday, and then steadily as the storyline
progresses. Sounds like a no brainer, right? Well shut up!
: Sappy Blue Fear!
Hey buoys and gulls! That's right, the long wait is finally over; at
last the year of the RacEcaR! It's like 1991 all over again! I couldn't
grow a moustache then, and I can't now. But in another way it's also
the same, it's a palindrome year. RACECAR! With that out of the way, on
with the noose: I saw Fellowship (like everyone else) and it kicked
ass. Paul Southworth of a
certain comic that shall remain(Garfield)nameless, said that it
sucked! He practically panned it right infronna me! Don't listen to his
sugar-coatings either ("I didnt say it sucked, I said it wasn't good!")
he's a liar, and a fatmouth. And you should spam him. SPAM! I'll do my
part by eating luncheon loaf. Other than that, nothing is new for me.
Same lazy unmotivated depressive poor-postured pasty unabomberesque
loner. I do have a major boner for Grand Theft Auto 3 tho. Videogames
teach me to kill like a pro! God Bless America.
: It's beginning to reek alot like x-mas!
So the next 2 weeks I'm re-running last years unfinished x-mas
storyline, and this time there IS an ending. I swear. I'm recoloring
all the strips cause they stunk, so that makes them kind of new, right?
Right. Because of the shear bulk of the story, I'll be showing
double-stuffs 6 days a week to get it in the hole before x-mas. On a
different note, The Lord of The Rings looks like it's gonna rule. Even
tho I hate Elijah Wood AND Viggo Mortenson. Peter Jackson is brilliant,
and despite The Frighteners (Michael J. Fox? Ick!) he's got an
impressive rap sheet. Featuring such classics as Bad Taste, Meet the
Feebles, and let's not forget Dead Alive (The goriest movie ever to
feature an evil rat-monkey). While I don't think TLoTR is quite as gory
as a muppet massacre or a zombie lawn-mower, it should still be
executed with a touch of class. That's all. Go back to your lives.
: My name is Jonas
So, I went to a Weezer concert Saturday night. It was spectacular. We
got in there toward the end of the opening band's set (Jimmy Eat
World). They didnt seem too horrible and got a respectable ovation from
the crowd, for an opening band I mean. Then we muddled around for 15 or
20 minutes, I wanted a soda, but I was broke as trash. Who says
beverages at concerts should be so god damned expensive anyway? Finally
it was time for Tenacious D to come on. This is a band I've been
following since their shorts appeared after Mr. Show episodes on HBO. I
got the first release of their debut album, which was later recalled
for "tweeking" (the back cover had baby penises on it. Nirvana
anyone?). I was really looking foreward to seeing them play live, and
they did not dissapoint. The backdrop came down, a quaint poorly drawn
Satan inbetween poorly drawn JB and KG (complete with ever important
dangling penises). Finally, after a grandiose PA intro, they rocked on
stage - acoustic guitars in tow, and proceeded to...have technical
difficulties. If their's a band on earth that can make technical
difficulties enjoyable, it's the D. Once they got it sorted out the
rest went off without a hitch. I shouted for Jesus Ranch for a half
hour and they finally played it, it was rad. Very rad. I was surprised
JB didnt plug Shallow Hal, I respect him for that, though I wouldnt
have held it against him. After about 45 minutes or something (you lose
track when listening to the D) they rocked back off stage, leaving a
smile surgically grafted to my face. Then it was another 30-40 minutes
until the headlining nerd-rock superstars, Weezer, came on. They opened
with a song I didnt recognize, but it rocked soundly. Then went right
into Island in the sun. they played for a little over an hour and the
croud never stopped rocking. Weezer really seems to have a profound
effect on their fans, everyone sang along with "Say it Ain't So" (just
like the last time I saw them) and jumped around like mad bunnies
during the faster paced songs like "My Name is Jonas" and "Tired of
Sex". I screamed "GETCHOO"! until my throat was hoarse, and they never
played it...I was a little bummed. They closed with "Only in Dreams"
and ran offstage for the obligatory pre-encore period, then blew the
croud away with energetic performances of "Buddy Holly" and "Surfwax
America" complete with a lit-up "W" dropping down from the ceiling. And
then it was over. And I returned to my life as a lowly cartoonist.
: The 10th Wonder of the World!
The 9th wonder of course being the WWF's Chyna, The ugly woman
trapped in a HUGE man's body. You've no dount noticed the new site
design, it's only the front page now (of both jaV and MURGER) but I'll
synergize the other pages as soon as me cans. I also have some both
minor and major bugs to work out, but I still think it's a huge
improvement. If you dinna know, next week means ALL NEW jaV and MURGER
COMICS! It's gonna be neato, I swears. To your left, as per usual is
the Probe, I encourage you to vote and let me know if I wasted
a bucket of time revamping the page. Remember, after you vote you can
make a comment, to elaborate on your choice. Comments are neat, but not
as good as e-mail,
cause that's the best!
: Wonderboy and Young Nastyman
I really don't like to ink, I really don't. It's prolly the single
worst part of being a cartoonist. I envy those with inkers, or better
yet, those who needn't ink. It's really a shame how much worse the
comics look after I ink them, I have jittery hands (that's right,
ladies.) and whenever I try to accurately trace over my pencil
drawings, they'll indiscriminately spaz out and next thing I know, I'm
riding the white-out train to palookaville. But enough about me, let's
talk about...me. My drawing portfolio was due on Wednesday morning, and
due to my incessant procrastination, I had to speed-draw about 12
pieces, so I didn't have time put the comic up. Did I mention that the
D and the Weez are coming to Boise?? It's PHAT-TAT-TAT. Seriously, if I
don't see this concert, I may die. Specifics are hazy, but Jesus and/or
Satan left a note on my forehead this morning that said "If you miss
it, you dead fat-boy". Needless to say...Well, I don't need to say it.
: Shoot me in the face.
Wanna hear something awesome? At least 4 comics have DISSAPEARED from
my archives over the past few months. Awesome no? Because I have so
much time to rescan and color the comics, that I just wet myself with
glee whenever I find out about these nuggets of shittiness. See for
yourself if you can find the comic for November 20th 2000. I don't even
know which one it is, because Keenspot is so goddam slow that my
archives wont load! AWESOME! I wish that I were dead...actually, I wish
everyone else was dead. Except for you, my loyal readers, I do so love
you so. In times of darkness, it's only shit like this
me sane. On a lighter note, Drunktober continues with ALL
NEW DOUBLE STRIPS of jaV goodness. So that's cool right? Let's all
pretend we're happy for the wee-ones, they need our support, in this
turbulent season of satanists and tootsie rolls. I need your support too, to keep me
from cutting on my genitalia.
Binary Day, as certain nerds would dub.
Sup chitlens? For the next two weeks, we (The Royal 'we' meaning me and
my autographed Ronnie James Dio T-shirt) will be running colored
versions of the first two jaV storylines. Among the few reasons that
don't involve my own lethargy: I'll finally have time to make the page
updates (read: bells and whistles) I've been planning since the cold
war. Also, I can get the ass-end of the X-mas storyline nicely tucked
away into the archives. Everything is cherry, I promise. Oh yeah, HOW
COME NO ONE USES THE MESSAGE
BOARD? Don't I have a vocal fanbase? You should be ashamed. Now get
posting, slackass! Or you can still e-mail me and tell me how
much you love or hate me and the various reasons why.
As a webcomic elder, I feel it's my duty to share with my readers a
couple of young upstart comics that they should be reading, and you
know they have to be good, cause they're the only comics I read that
regularly have space aliens in them: PBGalaxy by Tyler
is a VERY groovy comic definitely worthy of checking out, and some of
the BG art is just plain stunning. Boritom-1 by E. Adam
Thomas is fast becoming a staple in my internet life, it's young
yet, but it gets better every day. That is all, please resume your
slacking, you filthy HUMPS! ...I'm sorry. Forgive me?
Here's the skinny, chitlins: Your old uncle rog has been staying up
late and sleeping in even later for the last couple days, call it my
cool-off period from last semester. Anyway, I'm back in full swing,
which of course translates into about a quarter of a swing to the rest
of the world. I'm gonna haffa be pulling double duty for a while trying
to get this storyline wrapped up by new years, so expect to be seeing
extra comics at no extra price! By the way, I broke 50,000 pageviews
this month for the first time EVER! I was so jacked that, after hearing
the news, I molested my cat...she pretended not to like it. Molest me with text!
Alright kiddos, I'm all caught up. Ain't I a stone groove turkey? Plus
there's gonna be a BONUS comic on Sunday! Word. There have been
some requests, so I finally got around to just another Vice
Patented Comic E-mailing List Thingy! . So everyone sign up! (Look
to the left, dinky foo!) Parlez
vous me amore?
Wednesdays comic took a really long time to color, cause of my
poopy-ass computer. Add that to the fact that I have a final today, I
could only put up the one. Guh. Anyway, I'll be completely out by
Friday...for a month. I'll keep up. I hope. Sprechen si love me?
Guh. Finals week. I'm up to my ASS in studying and turning in late
papers. I'll be back on track on wednesday, I'm keeping to a schedule,
so I wont gip you, I hope. Continue
to love me
Yeah, sorry about the absense. (Post traumatic stress anyone? No? Well
ok...) I won't bore you with excuses, I'll just tell youn the truth: I
got really baked and fell asleep. I would have put up yesterday's comic
today along w/ friday's, but I have to color it, and it's getting late,
and I have a class in the morning. Instead, I'll throw up todays comic
tomorrow...make sense? Good. Please
Did some more site updates (Mainly just fixing the ones I put up
earlier). Changed the name of the storyline for inclusion in the
Archives (Hey, it happens. "The Matrix" was originally called "Crazy
Computers 9000x"). I'm failing all my college courses because of my
renewed interest in jaV. On the plus side, 8 people think it's getting
better. I'm tired and alone. Love
Hey boys and girls, this is the first of a series of page updates I
have planned. Completed right now is the storyline dropdown above
(duh), and I removed the weekly archives (they were a pain) so the
storylines on the Archives page just point
to the comic that started the storyline. On the agenda is a major
update to the sketch/fanart page, an update of the cast and bio pages,
and I also plan to do a little dance wearing a dead penguin on my head.
Don't forget to vote in in the poll, as I brought it back because I
wanted you too, obviously...
I know, I'm a walking webcomic
Ok, so I'm no Dave Kelly (Living
in Orangeville), or even an Alan Foreman (Serpent Sex Do's and Dont's).
But dammit, I'm a struggling college student trying to find my place in
this world, and I happen to spend more time fucking around and abusing
controlled substances (Hey kids! Legalize it! Impress your friends!)
than I do actually working on jaV. Or rather, the web-page of jaV,
which is just the jaV you scrubs see, I think, drink, sleep,
beat, and snort jaV in my daily life, but I hate computers like a
bastard and they hate me equally as much. I want one of those little
Power Mac 8 inch Cubes. Those things look cool, I'll bet it'd like me,
it could appreciate me for who I am, and not judge me just because I
don't put a comic up for 2 months and then return with promises of
redemption only to let all(read: Both) of my loyal(read: pathetic...I'm
sorry, but it's true.) fans down once again ('Yea, and a slothful
burnout shall lead them'). Umm, I lost track of what I was saying,
and I'm a busy man, so I won't read over what I previously typed,
instead, I'll ramble.
Narrator:And ramble he did. Rambling on through the
night and on until the Dawn, with her rosy-fingers made him cease. And
when he did, there was a great sigh of relief from those who had been
listening to the incoherant drone of a once proud cartoonist now
reduced to a snivveling lump, curled up in the fetal position, sucking
his thumb and humming the theme to 'Embryotic Polkadotted Rockabilly
First of all, I want to appologize.
Honestly, I feel like a total shithead. It just fucking figures that as
soon as I get my life in order and can start working seriously on jaV,
my computer finally eats it. This is literally the first time this week
I've been able to work on my computer for more than 7 minutes without
it crashing. And no, I'm not just saying "literally" for effect, I'm
dead serious. It's finally come to the point (after investing over
$1700 in my shitty computer since '97) to get a new system. Only I'm
not even sure if that will help, since I've been cursed with poor
wiring and static electricity in my home. I promise to keep trying
every day to get a comic colored and put up as often as possible, I
hope I can use some friends' systems to color and scan. I'm not giving
up on the comic, or on the fan(s) even tho it seems that way lately.
Seriously, I'm really sorry about all of this. I hate letting people
down, even tho I seem to do it so often I'm known for it...If you can,
check back every day, or at least every week to see new comics as I am
able to get them up. Maybe someday soon, I'll get everything back into
shape...jesus, I hope so. For now, I better stop writing or notepad.exe
will crash (seriously, it's happened before). I love you all. Stay
I've been a bad bad boy.
First off, I wanna say I'm no happier about the recent...unstableness
of schedule, than you are. In fact, it's really pissed me off something
awful. Anyway, without wasting your time with excuses, I'll say this: I
will do everything in my power to make sure this kind of thing never
happens again. Poll Results: The Aye's have it, a female
character will be introduced sometime in the near future, be afraid. I
had planned on having a new poll, but I couldn't think of anything, so,
maybe later. In other news, I've finally been added to AstroNerdBoy's
Comic strip list. And it only took 5 months! :P Also, go visit Pentasmal by Aaron Farber
it's hella funny. Thanks to the 2 people who stopped in #webcomics
after my pleading...
This long-winded storyline is coming to a close, can I get an AMEN!?
Ahhh. Anyhoo, new fan art on the Sketch
page. A new poll for you all to vote on. The addition of BERT! banner at the
end of the news. And I'd like to take this time to ask WHY DON'T
ANY JAV FANS EVER COME INTO #WEBCOMICS!? (Cept for you Khan, I love
you.) It's the most happening place on this jiving planet. You can hang
out and chat with famous web 'toonists! Like Greg Dean, Corey
Marie Kitley, Eight!, Aaron Holm, Paul
Southworth, Josh Phillips, and so many more! It's happing I
tell you. DAMNED happening. Just download a small proggie named MIRC (or for you mac users IRCLE,
web search for it) and connect to a random DALNet server, then
join channel #webcomics. I'm there every nite, and so are most
'toonists mentioned above. COME ON DAMN YOU!
Pissah eh? I finally got a domain! This of course means I'm now
obligated to continue doing this strip FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Uh, I also updated the sketch
page with some fan art that Paul Krazy Larry Southworth
did for me, he's a swell guy, I did some fan art fer him too, it's on
his site, GO THERE! Oh yeah, did I mention that Krazy Larry is back after
more than two months of hiatus? Well, it is, and it's now
DAILY! Let's all do a jig, shall we? BTW: I was too busy
getting this site ready to draw today's comic, my bad. Tomorrow
there'll be a comic tho. If you find any interesting bugs in the site, E-mail
me at firstname.lastname@example.org
and tell me about them. Also, there's a new message board, UBB n'
aythang, tis pimp. Umm, there's a lot of news, and I'm too tired to
address all of it, we'll talk tomorrow.
First the bad news:
For an indeterminate amount of time, I will be taking weekends off. I
know today isn't a weekend, but today is directly related to something,
trust me. Now, the Good News: I'm getting a domain. Yes, that's
right, www.justanothervice.com is just around the corner (next
week or two). The bad is directly related to the good tho, as I will be
using the free weekends to make MASSIVE site changes necessary for my
move to the new server. This means a slightly new site design, although
I will be working on Eight's general template. I will also try to use
the weekends to start GETTING AHEAD which I have thus far been
unable to do because I am a loser. I really really really want to start
being remotely professional and actually having comics up ON TIME every
day and not drawing the comics literally hours before they go up. But
only time will tell. Don't Fret daily reader(s), however, for I
will be doing SOMETHING on the weekends, just not the regular strip. It
will probably be little doodles or something for the first couple of
weeks (I've got some fan art to put up). But I'm also kind of
half-assed working on a side-project. Keep your eyes peeled. And
remember...I love you.
Hey looky looky, I won an award! It's from BoxJam! Now, I haven't
read this comic as yet, but I'm gonna go read it right now...
BeerMonkey: netscape is such a sh*tty browser
BeerMonkey: I don't know why they lept on microsoft about
the monopoly thing, I dont use IE because my computer came with it
BeerMonkey: I use it cause old man netscape is a greasy
pedophile and I want no part of his shenanigans
Above: an actual rant I spewed moments ago in the #Road_Waffles
(Drop in if you gots IRC,
it's on DALnet.) because I was fed up with making this site
netscape compatible (which I eventually DID thank you very
Ugh, can't I just watch Lisa
Shwarzbaum? Hey-oooooo! Yep, I saw Pitch Black and frankly,
I'm very relieved that it didn't suck. Not only did it NOT suck, but it
ruled. In fact, it was wicked pisser. Even the acting wasn't nearly as
bad as I've come to expect from the genre (They kill off the bad actors
early :P). In the sci-fi/horror department, nothing beats Event
Horizon but this had something EH didn't, A hard-ass non-nonsense
anti-hero you can count on to kick the SH*T out of the Terminator and
all his pansy friends (Oh Riddick! *faint*). Anyway. great flick, I
highly reccomend. Oh, also, I think I may have fixed the site
problems with netscape, e-mail
me if you can tell, cause I don't have NS to test it with.
JESUS!! Now that I've got
you're attention, visit Jesus
in the 21st Century A ?
spin off by Patrick Willings. If you like ?,
there is a good chance you'll like Jesus
(and not in the good Las Vegas way).
I'm gonna go see Pitch Black tonight, I'll have a semi-review
of it too, if I remember.
This, friends, is called a "Break".
Enter Eddie's Computer to inject some one-shot "homor" into a storyline
in danger of becoming stale. Plus all I have to do is cut and paste, so
you gotta love that. Beware: I'm wicked close to introducing
the first batch of new characters since the inception of this
strip. Be afraid, be very, very afraid. Oh yeah, Pitch Black
opens today. It better not suck.
"The Geek Network". I was
watching this program on the Sci-Fi channel called "Into Pitch-Black"
which was like, a show about the movie, but not like a making-of
thing...understand? I didn't either. But it was awful cool, and because
of it, I want to see the movie really badly. It's on again on sunday
night I think, if any of you have the geek network and wanna see it. On
a side note, if anyone wants to talk to me, I'm in IRC chat on DALnet
everynight in #Road_Waffles. So if you want to come in and
pledge you're undying love to me (or Eight) come in, it get's lonely in
I hates computers. I hates 'em
good. Don't point out the obvious, please. My rantings know no logic,
only raw emotion. That emotion? Sleepy. That's right. Uuuuuuh...I am
superman. OH! My computer sucks. Someone send me a new computer. I'll
buy you an ice cream, promise. I shouldn't write when I'm tired, it's a
bad habit to get in to. Like smoking, only it doesn't kill you. And
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So...I guess it's not that
bad of a habit after all. In fact, it's like Tae-Bo, in that it makes
you stronger, and Billy Blanks is involved. By involved I mean I'm
talking about typing when tired and when tired-typing I mentioned Billy
Blanks, (just a second ago, weren't you listening?) thus involving him.
Drawing comparisons RULES. RADISH!
Let's face it, I'm not a
professional, this is a hobby. I make nothing, and I provide you (both
of you) with free "entertainment" on a (usually)daily basis. So I'm not
going to bust my hump on a broken computer trying to catch up when i
know I'll just fall more and more behind. Instead, I offer you this, I
will try my DAMNEDEST to stay a few days ahead on coloring strips from
now on so this kind of thing doesn't have to happen again. Deal? Also:
I'm still toying with this news format, so expect it to evolve.
New Site Design by Eight