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Come for the vittles!
New jaV on Monday! Tonight I'm sailing to Croatia to have my groin waxed on the Adriatic sea. It's a personality quirk - don't judge me.

And then there was - that.
Murger murger murger murger murger murger murger.

Shit, Sorry
I never want to work another New Years Eve as long as I live. I SHOULD be writing to say that I got shitfaced and blew off the comic. INSTEAD I'm writing to say I worked until 2 AM and am tired.  I don't have an excuse for yesterday - yesterday I just slacked. (I didn't want to start the storyline - which is already written - and I couldn't think of a one-shot, so I just organized all my comics hoping an Idea would come, but nothing did. My comics were very unorganized. Hmm, this is a long parenthetical meandering. I feel like Ken Kesey.) My New Years resolution? Drink More. I'm serious. I do too much working and too much farting around. I'm gonna start drinking more. I was at a decent clip last year, and I slowed down way too much. Booze is the fuel that makes things move. Through space. That's the ticket...to SPACE! Comic tomorrow? Only time will tell! Come back anyway, you've got nothing better to do. In SPACE! T-MINUS is T!

Now Here's This!
The new storyline has been delayed by the overlong coloration and page-making activities I undertook restoring and finishing the X-mas Carol. I didn't get to sleep until after 6 AM last night. It's true! The hecticity of the holidays is still evident at my workplace, where I am covering extra shifts in an attempt to gain monetary excellence. I will put a comic up tomorrow, I haven't decided if it will be the beginning of the storyline I've planned. Starting a storyline is always a big commitment. For now, enjoy the X-mas Carol and HAYTLPolitics. There should be JUST enough funniness in them to tide you over.


Now Here's This!
I've got FOUR count them FOUR more comics to color now. I could only do two tonight because I worked late on account of the GODDAM LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE! It's STILL selling out the theatre next to my garage, that's like a half-hour rush right at the end of my shift, so my paperwork takes forever etc...Anyway, sundays are slow, there's no reason I shouldn't get the rest done and up tomorrow. Who knows tho. Only the Shadow. And God I guess, if he'd ever show his fuckin' face. Ponce.


Tomorrow then?
...this throws kind of a gear in the works, cause now I have to color 5 or six old comics. I got 2 done tonight - the ones I thought I was gonna upload now - but they won't make any sense without the older ones, so I'll do those tomorrow night and upload everything for sunday morning. See you tomorrow.

It's cool baby!
Yeah, four new strips this weekend - then an interactive bidness for your pleasure, followed abruptly by the return of jaV in all it's majesty. Whatever!

8.11.03 : Dopedy-Dash
Yulp,I leff my scanner cord in the old house. Problem should be resolved on the morrow. Dinna wanna leave you with nuthin, so's I spent a long time doing stoned drawings. This is the fruit of my labor, taste it lest yee be tossed from the kingdom. Or was it t'other way round. Anyway, If I keep talking like this I'll want to give myself a wedgie, so I bid you adeu! ADEU DAMN YOU!

7.30.03 : Tweeks
Wow, it really doesn't seem like it's been two weeks since I put a comic up. Time flies when your life is flip-flopping allova the place. Expect a comic tomorrow as well, and hopefully Friday too. I'll be moving into my new house on the first, and it'll likely take me a bit to get settled. In fact, I might be without internet access for a week or so. If that happens, I will certainly be walking down to the library and posting on the forum to let everyone know the skinny. It shouldn't be too long until everything gets back to normal - Better than normal actually. Trust me when I say that we're over the hump and there are smooth seas not far ahead. Fjord Pjinto!

7.14.03 : And I can't believe all the Cheeto's are gone!
MAYBE you've noticed the comic hasn't been updated a lot lately. Thing is, I found out that my dad has terminal cancer last week, and I'm sort of pre-occupied with that most of the time. Expect a new comic tomorrow (not about cancer).

6.11.03 : Constructed of Currency
So I went out and spent alot of money on this first run of T-shirts. I spent about 20 bucks on shirts, (color) and 14 bucks on 5 fucking sheets of "dark color" transfer paper. The light color paper was the same price for 12 sheets. Anyway, hopefully I'll sell one to make up for the one I'm giving away. But what's done is done. In other contest news: Bobby Sadr PLEASE contact me, I have lost your original e-mail and I cannot send your prize until I hear from you! Anyhoo, this storyline served a purpose, so it didn't HAVE to be funny. Don't you feel better now? Y'see, I'm not sick of drawing jaV, nor do I plan on becoming sick of it - But I AM sick of writing almost exclusively 3 panel jokes. So now, you'll get 3 panels every now and then, but you'll also get 4 or 5 or 6 or 4 and a half or 1 and three quarters...Dig? Well, what's done is done...again. Stay tuned for some 1-shots and then a storyline featuring everyone's favorite newscaster (After Kent Brockman and Tom Tucker) Dan Package.

6.09.03 : And the Winner is...
The competition for the contest was FIERCE. Judging the entries proved to be a grueling task. The WinnerS HAVE been chosen. I'm not going to anounce them HERE. You'll have to go to the Results Page. By the by, I've been watching cartoon network lately, Adult Swim actually, but - right before it comes on - there are a few of the regular kiddie commercials that CN runs. Anyways, I saw a commercial for Skippy Squeeze Packs. It was a bunch of pre-teens doing "extreme sports" (with three helmets and eight kneepads apiece) And the main pre-teen was rapping the jingle, ("Squeeze! It's the Skippy! It's the Skippy you SQUEEZE!) as other extreme-sports kids squeezed peanut-butter out of a tube into their mouths...That's all. I just wanted to share.

6.02.03 : Renaissance, man.
Story ended, finally. That was the longest one in awhile. I think most of it was funny, tho...right? Anyway... Despite the hick-ups at first, this job is turning out to be the best thing that ever happened to the comic. I drew 4 comics today, that's like, almost a fuckin' week! If I draw even 2 comics a day the next two days (one more day at the slow garage this week) I'll be almost 2 weeks ahead on the comic for the first time in - - EVER. And I could conceivably draw another EIGHT comics on those days! Depending on how many I can write while sitting on my ass staring at my thumbs. Searching for jokes with no stimuli tends to take longer than drawing the actual comic. But with my own undivided attention for 8 hours, how could I NOT write 2 strips a day, maybe 4! I DID buy a Gameboy Advance SP today, so that might cut into the comic time a tad...Still, 2 a day ain't shabby. Remember to get your CONTEST ENTRY in. You can enter multiple times to increase your chances of winning. FREE T-SHIRT! Participate in the jaV community!! DAMMIT!

5.26.03 : Backroom Deals with Greasy Congressmen
Ok, I genuinely believe that I can keep jaV at a continuous 5 a week clip. My work schedule is such as I work 2 days a week at a REALLY slow garage. Barring any unforseen problems (that's always a death-knell isn't it?) I should be able to easily draw 2 comic a day on those days. The only real variable is whether or not I'll always feel like drawing one on my days off, which are sundays and wednesdays, for now. Only time will prove me right or wrong, but I really will make every effort to bring you the classy sophisticated comics that you've come to expect from this franchise. In Contest News: You only have until June 1st to submit your entry and possibly win the "fantastic" prize that goes along with it. That's only SIX DAYS people!! Also, I'd really like to thank the few people who have transformed the forum from the Ghost Town it was, to the struggling, unpopular coffee shop across from Starbucks it is now. Keep it up, isn't it always cool to be in on something at the ground floor? Well jaV is so far below the ground it has worms trying to crawl in it's orifaces

5.16.03 : Turbo-lover
Yeah, shit is shitty these days. I'm currently working on a scheme where I can fit the comic into my schedule on a regular basis. The bad news being it will be only 5 days a week. Still, that's better than the 2 or 3 days a week it's been over the last month or so. Right now I'm sick as a BASTARD...AGAIN! I think the rule should be you have to be healthy for at least as long as you were sick before you can get sick again. I was shafted with a vengeance. Speaking of vengeance: I was scolded by a religious co-worker today for saying "God Dammit". He said it offended him, which I could understand if not 30 minutes earlier he wasn't telling off-color jokes that he needed to preface with "I'm not racist against blacks or anything but..." The moral of this story is that no one is holy, not any of you bible-thumping humps, not anyone. Oh, I say the Matrix yesterday. Very cool, tho I'm not convinced it was as good as the first. Anyway, I'll post a comic on the Forum tomorrow if everyone is good. It won't be a jaV comic, but some other comic I drew the other day. I'd post it tonight, but it's late and I don't wanna hassle with my scanner. Night.

5.06.03 : Copulating Deaf Mice.
I like this comic. It's funny to me, so SUCK IT! Seriously, if I can't put up a comic just for me once in a while I'm in the wrong bidness! The caption contest is still going on. Prizes guaranteed to please! I got drunk today (cinco de mayo). It's like the Mexican St. Patty's day!

5.03.03 : Peanut Butter and Love
So, I guess I have a hard time responding to E-mail. I get a very small amount of fanmail, and still I realize it takes me forever to respond to it. I could just say "Hey, thanks!" and move on, but I feel that would be an impersonal and insincere correspondence (even tho I AM being sincere when I say it! THANKS!). So I try to come up with something to say, and put it off for a few days, and - next thing I know - it's been weeks, or months. Now I feel like an ASSHOLE! This person took time out of their day to compose an electronic ode to me, and I can't even say thanks! But I CAN say thanks! I just wanna say it in some interesting way that isn't just gonna look like some phony form-letter. It's a quandry, and just another stone to pile on top of all my other social and mental difficulties. There IS a point to this rambling diatribe, by the way. It's that I seem to have no problem saying whatever shit comes to mind on my Message Board. So, instead of waiting weeks for an e-mail, why not post?! I post every day, multiple times even! It's CRAZY! Sure it's slightly less personal than an E-mail, but it's a pretty graphic and interactive peek into the fragile and borderline insane psyche of an unpopular cartoonist. I could charge ADMISSION for that shit! Go post. RIGHT NOW! I'm laying it on the table: Any TRUE fan of jaV would not be afraid to contribute to the jackassery of the forum! For the good of just another Vice! FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANKIND!!

So this is my first stab at characature, and I don't think it looks half-bad, considering. Of course I'm talking about the picture of Chuck Heston on the left. Seriously tho, did anyone else see that NRA resignation speech? He's BAT-SHIT crazy from Alzheimers or what the hell ever. Also, I officially declare Jimmy Kimmel Live the best late night talk show. Sorry Conan, you're too "wacky" for your own good. Kimmel can make comedy gold without sketches involving a masturbating bear (Whom I love, and will miss). Hey, still new shit happenin' on the Message Board everyday. Don't you want to be involved in that shit? Speaking of shit, there are a couple of words in this writing that I very possibly misspelled. I bring this up because I am making a conscious decision not to check their spelling, and should be treated accordingly. WITH CONTEMPT! Goodnite.

04.23.03 : "I-It's Spinal!" - Mike Tyson
I wasn't kidding last night, I really fucked my back up. Somehow, hunched over at my computer, being as immobile as a corpse - I managed to tweak a muscle in my lower back. Fire! Fire! So I was laying on my side in the fetus position for what seemed like forever, trying to minimize the pain. Fortunately, I had some muscle relaxants in the closet (I literally had to CRAWL to them). And they worked so well, I was even able to put up the comic after an hour or so. Sleep. Today at work was Hell because I'm coming down with a cold, on top of not being able to move without pain. STILL! I managed to draw (not ink) a comic. I am a HERO! Good thing I have tomorrow off to recuperate (or get worse). That's all for now, you knuckleheads! I'm stoned to the bone on relaxatives!

04.22.03 : Inspirational Haiku
I'm just kidding, I don't even know what that means. So, yeah, for those of you who don't READ THE FORUM, I never went a single day without posting something. I am a HERO! Anyway, I got 2 comics drawn today at work. I hope to do two more tomorrow too. Woah...my back just, totally went out. I was lying on the floor, immobile for a few minutes...now the pain is incredible, I have to go. (this shit isn't supposed to happen to a fucking 20 year old! I'm not a 900lb shut in either!)

04.12.03 : Poop from the FUTURE!
NEW T-Shirt designs on the message board. Another late night, fortunately after tomorrow I have a day off to catch up. So no matther WHAT there WILL be a comic tomorrow. I'd bet your first born on that people, it's a long shot that's itchin to pay off! Personally, I have a gambling problem, so I abstain. MESSAGE FORUM! The word "forum" only SOUNDS classy. In reality it's as filthy as you or me!

04.10.03 : Poop in the furnace
Ok, realistically, the comic could go back to 5 days a week now that I'm working - BUT! I don't want that to happen. So I will continue to work dilligently to see that does not occur. Some nights, however, the comic just cannot be done. Tonight is one of those nights. To salve the wound a little, I will post NEW T-Shirt designs on the message board. Either that or random sketches and shit. The effect being that there will always be a reason to visit the site, even when the worst occurs and I find myself unable to get a comic up. For now, wish me luck and please adjourn to the forum, where magesty awaits (Oh, and vote on it, dammit! Consumer research is your friend!)

04.06.03 : More like SHITSPOT! HAHAHAHA!
Ahhhhh...That's precious. Anyhoo, Keenspot and all that. Bitch bitch bitch. Autokeen seems to think that jaV is a day behind the world, and as much as I'd like that to be true, I live in the same space/time constraints as the rest of you shmoes. Keenspot does this shit alot, despite what you've been led to believe. Usually when it happens, I'm up late enough to check - and fix the comic. Lately, however, I have been working late shifts and early shifts in the worse possible combination. Now, I know that I said that my job wouldn't interfere, but clearly that was a stupid thing to promise. My schedule is evening out over the next week, and everything should go back to normal. How many of you thought that was Eve-ning!? ENGLISH CRAZY!

04.03.03 : The Professional
So, yeah, I work at a parking garage. And tonight, I drew today and tomorrows comics while at work. Which means, I got paid to draw my comics. Which makes me a professional cartoonist. EAT MY FAME, MINIONS! Please let me cling to my delusions. Anyway, today's comic is wordy, but I like it, so I hope you read it. That is all.

So, this month, jaV got over 100,000 pageviews. That's right, I'm excited about 100,000 pageviews. And do you know why? Well, I'll TELL you why. Because that's the most I've ever gotten. Ever. Now, while that may pale in comparison to other Keenspot sites, or indeed most other comic sites that currently exist, it's still important for me. It's like learning that a 3 inch penis is only 2 inches below average. Well...really it's nothing like that, and I wish I hadn't mentioned it. Uhh, anyway, as promised here's a little something extra for those loyal jaV fans who reloaded the page 2,000 times a day this month: A weird picture of Trout I drew while I was stoned! It's gonna be on the cover of the Keenspot Spotlight for Free Comic Book Day. It'll be in the back, mostly obscured by more popular comic book characters. Thank you, I love you all.

03.30.03 : Don't Call it a Cop-Out, I've been lame for years!
Hey, sorry. I got a new job, and it kind of fell in my lap and I haven't had time to get ahead on the comic yet, but I promise it won't interfere anymore after today. I'm just like, really tired right now. I'll make it up to you tomorrow with some gay-ass extra crap, and a better explaination. Peace, fellow kats.

03.28.03 : Love in a time of Hate
I'm here, labias and genitalmen, to preach a message of love to the world. I think that right now, in this time of growing aggression and malice, it's important that we kick the lovin' into high-gear. So I guess what I'm saying here is, fuck an Arab. Wait...Well fuck somebody. Fuck them nice, and cuddle afterwards, or leave the money on the nightstand. And for you sexless nerds out there, yearning for a boob to snog - masturbate more. Yes, pull out all your old porno and re-live it like the first day you met. Go to town dry or with a dollop of apple essence hair conditioner in your hands. Mix it up. Don't be afraid of bleeding, that's just your body loving you back. Pretend it's Valentine's day, everyday (only don't kill yourselves. Or do. I mean, if the situation is hopeless, I can't talk you out of it) and just spread the love thick and sticky all over the world. Now off young lovers (and older, less attractive, lovers) and fornicate like the world will end tomorrow, cause when it does, you'll wish you had. Fucked, that is. I don't know if I was being clear earlier.

03.27.03 : Bad Habit
I don't have anything meaningful to say, so here's some vintage rambling.

I hates computers. I hates 'em good. Don't point out the obvious, please. My rantings know no logic, only raw emotion. That emotion? Sleepy. That's right. Uuuuuuh...I am superman. OH! My computer sucks. Someone send me a new computer. I'll buy you an ice cream, promise. I shouldn't write when I'm tired, it's a bad habit to get in to. Like smoking, only it doesn't kill you. And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So...I guess it's not that bad of a habit after all. In fact, it's like Tae-Bo, in that it makes you stronger, and Billy Blanks is involved. By involved I mean I'm talking about typing when tired and when tired-typing I mentioned Billy Blanks, (just a second ago, weren't you listening?) thus involving him. Drawing comparisons RULES. RADISH!

Hey, I didn't say that was going to be meaningful either.

03.25.03 : Giving Butt-sex a Bad Name
If I may go off on a moral tangent for a moment, I'd like to call shame on the attendees of the Academy awards. These people boo'd Michael Moore, just for having the BALLS to speak his mind, and these SAME PEOPLE gave Roman Polansky a STANDING OVATION. Roman Polansky, if you'll recall drugged and anally raped a thirteen year old girl and fled the country to avoid prosecution. Now, I'd hate to think I'm alone in the opinion that once you do something that malevolently deviant, IT DOESNT MATTER HOW FUCKING GOOD YOUR MOVIE IS! The fact that he was nominated is bad enough, the fact that he won is even worse, but the fact that he was given a standing ovation makes me want to drop a daisy cutter on the Academy. Who needs another Nazi movie anyway. Haven't we exploited the Holocaust enough?

03.24.03 : Recycled Goodness
So some of you might find today's strip familiar. It is, in fact, the beginning of the "Lost" jaV storyline. If you'll take a trip with me, back to a time few remember, let's say fall of 2001, I'll tell you a tale. One day, Roger was writing a storyline about Trout joining the Army, then a couple of planes slammed into a couple of tall buildings, killing a lot of people. I felt, at that time, that the public needed a more lighthearted storyline, so I chucked said Army storyline into the fire in favor of the now infamously fantastic Homo Sticker. Well, the time seems ripe for some (apolitical, for the most part) wartime satire, so I decided to revive it. My initial intention was just to rename those first 6 or 7 comics and re-run them, picking up the storyline where they left off, but my natural vanity prevailed. Looking at these comics (now almost 2 years old), I couldn't help but be moved to vomit at their poor artistic quality. So I decided to re-draw the lot, making these less re-runs than re-VAMPS, which is a much classier suffix. Wouldn't you agree? Oh, and I know that it not being August accounts for a minor continuity error, but bear with me. Anyway, get ready for the epic that almost never was, and remember - if you don't read this, the terrorists will have won.

03.12.03 : Loop-D-Loop
Yeah, I spent so much time doing the above animation (for the upcoming cast page renovation) that I didn't have time to draw tonights comic. So, look at it, and wish it was funny and visually interesting.

03.07.03 : Saving myself for Silverman
Alright, here's the comic. I woke up this morning and the scanner worked. I'm convinced some nefarious computer Jesus character is playing tricks on me. In other news, I have mixed feelings about one of my favorite comedians, Jimmy Kimmel, dating (and probably having sweaty sex with) my dream woman, Sarah Silverman. One day I'll be famous, and she'll be older and emotionally wounded by failed relationships, and I will swoop in like a chickenhawk and make her my wife. Either that or I stew in my small hell and eventually die of broken dreams.

03.06.03 : Guh!
So, I busted my ASS to get a comic done tonight and now my fucking scanner is sending me strange alien messages about "abnormal program errors". It's been driving me insane for the last half hour and I've finally decided that it's too late to update now. I'm going to go to bed, and when I wake up, I'll try to fix it. This especially pisses me off because I DID do the comic, I DID! It's about pornography! I hope you all won't leave to never return thinking I'm up to my old shit again, cause I'm not. It is my contention that my old shit shall never return! NEVER! Guh. Anyway, I'm going to sleep, sorry. I WILL get the comic up tomorrow, or die trying (seriously, I think my scanner might kill me).

03.03.03 : Skeezyx?
I've been hearing that word alot lately, it's like some pop-nerd-culture term that totally flew over my head. Anyway, sorry about the comic (lack thereof) yesterday, I wasn't feeling well. As always, I'd like to say that fan love keeps me alive, and keeps me healthy. As I haven't had any fanmail or forum posts wishing me well in awhile, I COULD blame your apathy for my sickness. But I won't. But I could...But I won't.

03.01.03 : The fresh scent of feet
Well, that's the end of another jaV storyline. A short one this time, thankfully. I think I'll try and keep them brief from now on. Usually they end up wearing on because I forget how to end them, and just keep them going. This time, I didn't know how to end it, and then I just ended it. Did that make sense? OH! The Keenspot forums are back up, and I urge all you scattered fans to post and show your support, even if you have NOTHING to say. Seriously. Or E-mail me. Or both! OOOOH! DO BOTH! I'd wet myself, a second time. And now, a meaningful quote from IRC:

Karva: Oh, I'm glad Tac isn't gay
Karva: The ladies need him

02.28.03 : Won't...you be... my neighbor... *cries*
This morning America lost a great man. I honestly came close to tears watching the Nightline interview with Mr. Rogers. He was a genuinely kind man who led me and many other children through troubled times, and I truly believe he is the reason I'm not more fucked up than I am. The world will miss him. Incidentally, Mr. Rogers was one of the top 3 involuntary nicknames I recieved throughout my K-12 education. The other two were "Roger Rabbit" and "Rodger Dodger".

02.27.03 : Wake up and smell the Farrel
I saw Old School tonight. It was funny, I give it a thumbs up. I'd put it on par with Road Trip, and leagues better than Stealing Harvard, which I also saw recently. In other news, I'm on a team of Keenspotters currently working on some as-yet-unnamed animation project. Should be pretty cool, might never happen, we'll see. That is all.

02.20.03 : Freebasing Jello powder
So, just a head's up, I'm taking this weekend off. I'm working on my Free Comic Book Day page and I also need to get some new pens, as my .03 micron is wearing out rapidly. I will return in full force monday. I'm really excited about this Free Comic Book thing, it'll be the first time one of my comics is ever published, and that's a milestone for me. Some of you may remember I was credited as "contributing jackass" in Paul Southworth's Black Plague #1, but this is my first actual print appearance. I'm giddy, like a newborn schoolgirl...That didn't make any sense.

02.18.03 : You'll never guess!
Why no comic monday? WHY INDEED! Would you believe the dog ate my homework? Good, cause that's the line I'm feeding you! No, seriously, I got stoned and fell asleep. Glamorous, my life is. This is bound to happen once in awhile, and so long as I just get stoned and fall asleep occasionally (oh, let's say, once a month) I think we can all be happy with that. I know I can! Zzzzzzzzzz

02.14.03 : That's the way a dog sees it.
Today's comic is black and white for two reasons: 1. I didn't want to color it. 2. I drew it possibly 2 years ago, and wanted to keep a nostalgic feel. Most of that is bullshit, I just didn't want to color it. I don't know why I never posted this comic before, lord knows I've posted worse ones in the past. I hope everyone is gearing up to hit the comic book shops May 2nd for FREE COMIC BOOK DAY! The Keenspot book will have an all new, exclusive jaV comic, page sized! It'll be cool.

01.27.03 : S N A F U
So for 4 days I've been unable to connect to the internet. It seems SBC-Yahoo, which used to be the perfectly functional Prodigy Internet, decided that their customers didn't matter. So after hours arguing with customer service reps, each more surly and ignorant than the last, I said (loudly) "FUCK THIS! AND FUCK YOU! YOU FUCK!" And got an account with AT&T Worldnet, which seems like it's own set of ass pains, but AT LEAST I can connect to the internet and update my goddamn comic! What's more, I guess I had a newsbox friday and I don't know how many new readers I lost when the comic didnt update sunday and monday. But such is life, I won't dwell on the nasties. Anyhoo, it was my intention to start a Mammoth Murger Storyline today but, as I was handcuffed to the radiator by SBC-Yahoo, I was unable to work out some of the problems facing me. Namely - working with KS tech guy Nate on getting murger.justanothervice.com going so it could take advantage of autokeen. What this means to you, dear reader, is this: You are robbed of one comic. Which, under the circumstances, is actually very minimal. Tomorrow, Murger will update (manually, until I can swing it otherwise). The main page of jaV will be switched to the Murger main page for the duration of the storyline. I hope this all makes sense, I'm both flustered and hungry right now, and those things work against my literary abilities. OH! One more important thing: Should this nonsense happen again, and I am left without internet service, I urge all of you to CHECK THE MESSAGE BOARD! I will go to the library and post information and, if possible, the comic. Yet another incentive to keep an eye on the message board. Thank you, good day!

01.20.03 : The Velveteen Touch of a Dandy Fop
Listen up fellows, the jig is up! From now on there will be enough comics for all of the world. I climbeth upon the roof of this slum and proclaim that there shalt be 7 comics a week! And that they shall be of the jaV and MURGER kind! And that as long as these comics exist there will be peace on Earth! And with this peace there will be cake, and smoothies! But remember, you must do your part, for as readers of these graven images you take on the burden of 'Fan' and as such, you must cater to the every whim of your new god...me! My firsteth decree is that there shall be e-mails! That there should be Forum postings! That there should be no cake and smoothies until this is done! After all, if Buffy the Vampire Slayer can have a fan community, why can't I? Now, you have your mission...I salute you!

03.16.02 : Say dat then!
The results are in, most of you want me to do whatever the hell I want. Runner up, with only 1 less vote: Go F myself. I can't tell if I'm making any headway here. Anyhoo, new poll up, I haven't done a character poll since I only had 3 characters, so this might be interesting. But probably not.

02.23.02 : A'right
STOP! Collaborate and listen, Ice is back with all kinds of dope shit. Really it's less dope than it is r a m b l i n g. . . but here goes! Firstly, I've got 2 good reasons and one flimsy excuse to explain away my slacking: I've got a job, I'm sick, and I bought a playstation2. Now I know, these are lame, but I'm a very lame person! Anyway, I've got big plans. Firstly, I'm going to write this news whilst nonsober...CHECK! Firstly, I'm Firsty... CHECK! I'm gonna get organized, friends and neighbors. I vow it like I've vowed so many things before! I've tried the datebook thing, and that ain't working. Since I'm a computer geek who doesnt use his computer, I've decided to dowload some kind of futuristic online calendar thingy. It's gotta be out there, this IS cyberspace. That'll get me on the computer every day! Which is a good start to running a successful comic strip site! With my new attatchment to the beige box, I'll schedule my self crazy, dividing all my time into strictly regimented grid coordinates. I'm also gonna use this to help me save money. My new organized self is going to watch his budget, because he's got fancy plans to attend comic-con like the nerd he is. I get the feeling I'll see no jaV fans there for several reasons, firstly (and mostly) my apaulling lack of fanbase and embarassingly low popularity! Nextly, I'm Firstly. Rectum? Damn near Sanctum! And again at five AM and every 90 minutes until death. Who wants to wish me luck in my organizing!?? Or to remind me that I'm sposed to be a new improved person when I forget about my drunken intentions? All you kind people who e-mailed me about the high comics, I love you, I mean to mail you back. I will someday.

01.27.02 : Shanked in the skull
Hey, remember back all that time ago, when I had a poll about a chick in jaV? Well, here it is. And by 'it' I mean to objectify the cartoon woman to which I am referring. Get used to it, because now that there's finally a broad on the plate, it means I get to insult women more readily. I love this country. Oh, I also love Sweden, because of THIS! Isn't that just delightfully pee-laughter inducing? I know it is. Anyhoo, new comic monday, and then steadily as the storyline progresses. Sounds like a no brainer, right? Well shut up!

01.02.02 : Sappy Blue Fear!
Hey buoys and gulls! That's right, the long wait is finally over; at last the year of the RacEcaR! It's like 1991 all over again! I couldn't grow a moustache then, and I can't now. But in another way it's also the same, it's a palindrome year. RACECAR! With that out of the way, on with the noose: I saw Fellowship (like everyone else) and it kicked ass. Paul Southworth of a certain comic that shall remain(Garfield)nameless, said that it sucked! He practically panned it right infronna me! Don't listen to his sugar-coatings either ("I didnt say it sucked, I said it wasn't good!") he's a liar, and a fatmouth. And you should spam him. SPAM! I'll do my part by eating luncheon loaf. Other than that, nothing is new for me. Same lazy unmotivated depressive poor-postured pasty unabomberesque loner. I do have a major boner for Grand Theft Auto 3 tho. Videogames teach me to kill like a pro! God Bless America.

12.10.01 : It's beginning to reek alot like x-mas!
So the next 2 weeks I'm re-running last years unfinished x-mas storyline, and this time there IS an ending. I swear. I'm recoloring all the strips cause they stunk, so that makes them kind of new, right? Right. Because of the shear bulk of the story, I'll be showing double-stuffs 6 days a week to get it in the hole before x-mas. On a different note, The Lord of The Rings looks like it's gonna rule. Even tho I hate Elijah Wood AND Viggo Mortenson. Peter Jackson is brilliant, and despite The Frighteners (Michael J. Fox? Ick!) he's got an impressive rap sheet. Featuring such classics as Bad Taste, Meet the Feebles, and let's not forget Dead Alive (The goriest movie ever to feature an evil rat-monkey). While I don't think TLoTR is quite as gory as a muppet massacre or a zombie lawn-mower, it should still be executed with a touch of class. That's all. Go back to your lives.

11.19.01 : My name is Jonas
So, I went to a Weezer concert Saturday night. It was spectacular. We got in there toward the end of the opening band's set (Jimmy Eat World). They didnt seem too horrible and got a respectable ovation from the crowd, for an opening band I mean. Then we muddled around for 15 or 20 minutes, I wanted a soda, but I was broke as trash. Who says beverages at concerts should be so god damned expensive anyway? Finally it was time for Tenacious D to come on. This is a band I've been following since their shorts appeared after Mr. Show episodes on HBO. I got the first release of their debut album, which was later recalled for "tweeking" (the back cover had baby penises on it. Nirvana anyone?). I was really looking foreward to seeing them play live, and they did not dissapoint. The backdrop came down, a quaint poorly drawn Satan inbetween poorly drawn JB and KG (complete with ever important dangling penises). Finally, after a grandiose PA intro, they rocked on stage - acoustic guitars in tow, and proceeded to...have technical difficulties. If their's a band on earth that can make technical difficulties enjoyable, it's the D. Once they got it sorted out the rest went off without a hitch. I shouted for Jesus Ranch for a half hour and they finally played it, it was rad. Very rad. I was surprised JB didnt plug Shallow Hal, I respect him for that, though I wouldnt have held it against him. After about 45 minutes or something (you lose track when listening to the D) they rocked back off stage, leaving a smile surgically grafted to my face. Then it was another 30-40 minutes until the headlining nerd-rock superstars, Weezer, came on. They opened with a song I didnt recognize, but it rocked soundly. Then went right into Island in the sun. they played for a little over an hour and the croud never stopped rocking. Weezer really seems to have a profound effect on their fans, everyone sang along with "Say it Ain't So" (just like the last time I saw them) and jumped around like mad bunnies during the faster paced songs like "My Name is Jonas" and "Tired of Sex". I screamed "GETCHOO"! until my throat was hoarse, and they never played it...I was a little bummed. They closed with "Only in Dreams" and ran offstage for the obligatory pre-encore period, then blew the croud away with energetic performances of "Buddy Holly" and "Surfwax America" complete with a lit-up "W" dropping down from the ceiling. And then it was over. And I returned to my life as a lowly cartoonist.

11.09.01 : The 10th Wonder of the World!
The 9th wonder of course being the WWF's Chyna, The ugly woman trapped in a HUGE man's body. You've no dount noticed the new site design, it's only the front page now (of both jaV and MURGER) but I'll synergize the other pages as soon as me cans. I also have some both minor and major bugs to work out, but I still think it's a huge improvement. If you dinna know, next week means ALL NEW jaV and MURGER COMICS! It's gonna be neato, I swears. To your left, as per usual is the Probe, I encourage you to vote and let me know if I wasted a bucket of time revamping the page. Remember, after you vote you can make a comment, to elaborate on your choice. Comments are neat, but not as good as e-mail, cause that's the best!

10.18.01 : Wonderboy and Young Nastyman
I really don't like to ink, I really don't. It's prolly the single worst part of being a cartoonist. I envy those with inkers, or better yet, those who needn't ink. It's really a shame how much worse the comics look after I ink them, I have jittery hands (that's right, ladies.) and whenever I try to accurately trace over my pencil drawings, they'll indiscriminately spaz out and next thing I know, I'm riding the white-out train to palookaville. But enough about me, let's talk about...me. My drawing portfolio was due on Wednesday morning, and due to my incessant procrastination, I had to speed-draw about 12 pieces, so I didn't have time put the comic up. Did I mention that the D and the Weez are coming to Boise?? It's PHAT-TAT-TAT. Seriously, if I don't see this concert, I may die. Specifics are hazy, but Jesus and/or Satan left a note on my forehead this morning that said "If you miss it, you dead fat-boy". Needless to say...Well, I don't need to say it.

10.15.01 : Shoot me in the face.
Wanna hear something awesome? At least 4 comics have DISSAPEARED from my archives over the past few months. Awesome no? Because I have so much time to rescan and color the comics, that I just wet myself with glee whenever I find out about these nuggets of shittiness. See for yourself if you can find the comic for November 20th 2000. I don't even know which one it is, because Keenspot is so goddam slow that my archives wont load! AWESOME! I wish that I were dead...actually, I wish everyone else was dead. Except for you, my loyal readers, I do so love you so. In times of darkness, it's only shit like this that keeps me sane. On a lighter note, Drunktober continues with ALL NEW DOUBLE STRIPS of jaV goodness. So that's cool right? Let's all pretend we're happy for the wee-ones, they need our support, in this turbulent season of satanists and tootsie rolls. I need your support too, to keep me from cutting on my genitalia.

10.01.01 Binary Day, as certain nerds would dub.
Sup chitlens? For the next two weeks, we (The Royal 'we' meaning me and my autographed Ronnie James Dio T-shirt) will be running colored versions of the first two jaV storylines. Among the few reasons that don't involve my own lethargy: I'll finally have time to make the page updates (read: bells and whistles) I've been planning since the cold war. Also, I can get the ass-end of the X-mas storyline nicely tucked away into the archives. Everything is cherry, I promise. Oh yeah, HOW COME NO ONE USES THE MESSAGE BOARD? Don't I have a vocal fanbase? You should be ashamed. Now get posting, slackass! Or you can still e-mail me and tell me how much you love or hate me and the various reasons why.

As a webcomic elder, I feel it's my duty to share with my readers a couple of young upstart comics that they should be reading, and you know they have to be good, cause they're the only comics I read that regularly have space aliens in them: PBGalaxy by Tyler Martin is a VERY groovy comic definitely worthy of checking out, and some of the BG art is just plain stunning. Boritom-1 by E. Adam Thomas is fast becoming a staple in my internet life, it's young yet, but it gets better every day. That is all, please resume your slacking, you filthy HUMPS! ...I'm sorry. Forgive me?

Here's the skinny, chitlins: Your old uncle rog has been staying up late and sleeping in even later for the last couple days, call it my cool-off period from last semester. Anyway, I'm back in full swing, which of course translates into about a quarter of a swing to the rest of the world. I'm gonna haffa be pulling double duty for a while trying to get this storyline wrapped up by new years, so expect to be seeing extra comics at no extra price! By the way, I broke 50,000 pageviews this month for the first time EVER! I was so jacked that, after hearing the news, I molested my cat...she pretended not to like it. Molest me with text!

Alright kiddos, I'm all caught up. Ain't I a stone groove turkey? Plus there's gonna be a BONUS comic on Sunday! Word. There have been some requests, so I finally got around to just another Vice Patented Comic E-mailing List Thingy! . So everyone sign up! (Look to the left, dinky foo!) Parlez vous me amore?

Wednesdays comic took a really long time to color, cause of my poopy-ass computer. Add that to the fact that I have a final today, I could only put up the one. Guh. Anyway, I'll be completely out by Friday...for a month. I'll keep up. I hope. Sprechen si love me?

Guh. Finals week. I'm up to my ASS in studying and turning in late papers. I'll be back on track on wednesday, I'm keeping to a schedule, so I wont gip you, I hope. Continue to love me

Yeah, sorry about the absense. (Post traumatic stress anyone? No? Well ok...) I won't bore you with excuses, I'll just tell youn the truth: I got really baked and fell asleep. I would have put up yesterday's comic today along w/ friday's, but I have to color it, and it's getting late, and I have a class in the morning. Instead, I'll throw up todays comic tomorrow...make sense? Good. Please love me?

Did some more site updates (Mainly just fixing the ones I put up earlier). Changed the name of the storyline for inclusion in the Archives (Hey, it happens. "The Matrix" was originally called "Crazy Computers 9000x"). I'm failing all my college courses because of my renewed interest in jaV. On the plus side, 8 people think it's getting better. I'm tired and alone. Love me?

Hey boys and girls, this is the first of a series of page updates I have planned. Completed right now is the storyline dropdown above (duh), and I removed the weekly archives (they were a pain) so the storylines on the Archives page just point to the comic that started the storyline. On the agenda is a major update to the sketch/fanart page, an update of the cast and bio pages, and I also plan to do a little dance wearing a dead penguin on my head. Don't forget to vote in in the poll, as I brought it back because I wanted you too, obviously...

I know, I'm a walking webcomic 'don't' Ok, so I'm no Dave Kelly (Living in Orangeville), or even an Alan Foreman (Serpent Sex Do's and Dont's). But dammit, I'm a struggling college student trying to find my place in this world, and I happen to spend more time fucking around and abusing controlled substances (Hey kids! Legalize it! Impress your friends!) than I do actually working on jaV. Or rather, the web-page of jaV, which is just the jaV you scrubs see, I think, drink, sleep, beat, and snort jaV in my daily life, but I hate computers like a bastard and they hate me equally as much. I want one of those little Power Mac 8 inch Cubes. Those things look cool, I'll bet it'd like me, it could appreciate me for who I am, and not judge me just because I don't put a comic up for 2 months and then return with promises of redemption only to let all(read: Both) of my loyal(read: pathetic...I'm sorry, but it's true.) fans down once again ('Yea, and a slothful burnout shall lead them'). Umm, I lost track of what I was saying, and I'm a busy man, so I won't read over what I previously typed, instead, I'll ramble.
Narrator:And ramble he did. Rambling on through the night and on until the Dawn, with her rosy-fingers made him cease. And when he did, there was a great sigh of relief from those who had been listening to the incoherant drone of a once proud cartoonist now reduced to a snivveling lump, curled up in the fetal position, sucking his thumb and humming the theme to 'Embryotic Polkadotted Rockabilly Fighter-Pilots'

First of all, I want to appologize. Honestly, I feel like a total shithead. It just fucking figures that as soon as I get my life in order and can start working seriously on jaV, my computer finally eats it. This is literally the first time this week I've been able to work on my computer for more than 7 minutes without it crashing. And no, I'm not just saying "literally" for effect, I'm dead serious. It's finally come to the point (after investing over $1700 in my shitty computer since '97) to get a new system. Only I'm not even sure if that will help, since I've been cursed with poor wiring and static electricity in my home. I promise to keep trying every day to get a comic colored and put up as often as possible, I hope I can use some friends' systems to color and scan. I'm not giving up on the comic, or on the fan(s) even tho it seems that way lately. Seriously, I'm really sorry about all of this. I hate letting people down, even tho I seem to do it so often I'm known for it...If you can, check back every day, or at least every week to see new comics as I am able to get them up. Maybe someday soon, I'll get everything back into shape...jesus, I hope so. For now, I better stop writing or notepad.exe will crash (seriously, it's happened before). I love you all. Stay cool, chitlins.

I've been a bad bad boy. First off, I wanna say I'm no happier about the recent...unstableness of schedule, than you are. In fact, it's really pissed me off something awful. Anyway, without wasting your time with excuses, I'll say this: I will do everything in my power to make sure this kind of thing never happens again. Poll Results: The Aye's have it, a female character will be introduced sometime in the near future, be afraid. I had planned on having a new poll, but I couldn't think of anything, so, maybe later. In other news, I've finally been added to AstroNerdBoy's Comic strip list. And it only took 5 months! :P Also, go visit Pentasmal by Aaron Farber it's hella funny. Thanks to the 2 people who stopped in #webcomics after my pleading...

FINALLY! This long-winded storyline is coming to a close, can I get an AMEN!? Ahhh. Anyhoo, new fan art on the Sketch page. A new poll for you all to vote on. The addition of BERT! banner at the end of the news. And I'd like to take this time to ask WHY DON'T ANY JAV FANS EVER COME INTO #WEBCOMICS!? (Cept for you Khan, I love you.) It's the most happening place on this jiving planet. You can hang out and chat with famous web 'toonists! Like Greg Dean, Corey Marie Kitley, Eight!, Aaron Holm, Paul Southworth, Josh Phillips, and so many more! It's happing I tell you. DAMNED happening. Just download a small proggie named MIRC (or for you mac users IRCLE, web search for it) and connect to a random DALNet server, then join channel #webcomics. I'm there every nite, and so are most 'toonists mentioned above. COME ON DAMN YOU!

We Moved! Pissah eh? I finally got a domain! This of course means I'm now obligated to continue doing this strip FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Uh, I also updated the sketch page with some fan art that Paul Krazy Larry Southworth did for me, he's a swell guy, I did some fan art fer him too, it's on his site, GO THERE! Oh yeah, did I mention that Krazy Larry is back after more than two months of hiatus? Well, it is, and it's now DAILY! Let's all do a jig, shall we? BTW: I was too busy getting this site ready to draw today's comic, my bad. Tomorrow there'll be a comic tho. If you find any interesting bugs in the site, E-mail me at roger@justanothervice.com and tell me about them. Also, there's a new message board, UBB n' aythang, tis pimp. Umm, there's a lot of news, and I'm too tired to address all of it, we'll talk tomorrow.

First the bad news: For an indeterminate amount of time, I will be taking weekends off. I know today isn't a weekend, but today is directly related to something, trust me. Now, the Good News: I'm getting a domain. Yes, that's right, www.justanothervice.com is just around the corner (next week or two). The bad is directly related to the good tho, as I will be using the free weekends to make MASSIVE site changes necessary for my move to the new server. This means a slightly new site design, although I will be working on Eight's general template. I will also try to use the weekends to start GETTING AHEAD which I have thus far been unable to do because I am a loser. I really really really want to start being remotely professional and actually having comics up ON TIME every day and not drawing the comics literally hours before they go up. But only time will tell. Don't Fret daily reader(s), however, for I will be doing SOMETHING on the weekends, just not the regular strip. It will probably be little doodles or something for the first couple of weeks (I've got some fan art to put up). But I'm also kind of half-assed working on a side-project. Keep your eyes peeled. And remember...I love you.

Ward Cleaver. Hey looky looky, I won an award! It's from BoxJam! Now, I haven't read this comic as yet, but I'm gonna go read it right now...

BeerMonkey: netscape is such a sh*tty browser
BeerMonkey: I don't know why they lept on microsoft about the monopoly thing, I dont use IE because my computer came with it
BeerMonkey: I use it cause old man netscape is a greasy pedophile and I want no part of his shenanigans
Above: an actual rant I spewed moments ago in the #Road_Waffles (Drop in if you gots IRC, it's on DALnet.) because I was fed up with making this site netscape compatible (which I eventually DID thank you very much.)

Ugh, can't I just watch Lisa Shwarzbaum? Hey-oooooo! Yep, I saw Pitch Black and frankly, I'm very relieved that it didn't suck. Not only did it NOT suck, but it ruled. In fact, it was wicked pisser. Even the acting wasn't nearly as bad as I've come to expect from the genre (They kill off the bad actors early :P). In the sci-fi/horror department, nothing beats Event Horizon but this had something EH didn't, A hard-ass non-nonsense anti-hero you can count on to kick the SH*T out of the Terminator and all his pansy friends (Oh Riddick! *faint*). Anyway. great flick, I highly reccomend. Oh, also, I think I may have fixed the site problems with netscape, e-mail me if you can tell, cause I don't have NS to test it with.

JESUS!! Now that I've got you're attention, visit Jesus in the 21st Century A ? spin off by Patrick Willings. If you like ?, there is a good chance you'll like Jesus (and not in the good Las Vegas way). I'm gonna go see Pitch Black tonight, I'll have a semi-review of it too, if I remember.

This, friends, is called a "Break". Enter Eddie's Computer to inject some one-shot "homor" into a storyline in danger of becoming stale. Plus all I have to do is cut and paste, so you gotta love that. Beware: I'm wicked close to introducing the first batch of new characters since the inception of this strip. Be afraid, be very, very afraid. Oh yeah, Pitch Black opens today. It better not suck.

"The Geek Network". I was watching this program on the Sci-Fi channel called "Into Pitch-Black" which was like, a show about the movie, but not like a making-of thing...understand? I didn't either. But it was awful cool, and because of it, I want to see the movie really badly. It's on again on sunday night I think, if any of you have the geek network and wanna see it. On a side note, if anyone wants to talk to me, I'm in IRC chat on DALnet just about everynight in #Road_Waffles. So if you want to come in and pledge you're undying love to me (or Eight) come in, it get's lonely in there.

I hates computers. I hates 'em good. Don't point out the obvious, please. My rantings know no logic, only raw emotion. That emotion? Sleepy. That's right. Uuuuuuh...I am superman. OH! My computer sucks. Someone send me a new computer. I'll buy you an ice cream, promise. I shouldn't write when I'm tired, it's a bad habit to get in to. Like smoking, only it doesn't kill you. And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So...I guess it's not that bad of a habit after all. In fact, it's like Tae-Bo, in that it makes you stronger, and Billy Blanks is involved. By involved I mean I'm talking about typing when tired and when tired-typing I mentioned Billy Blanks, (just a second ago, weren't you listening?) thus involving him. Drawing comparisons RULES. RADISH!

Let's face it, I'm not a professional, this is a hobby. I make nothing, and I provide you (both of you) with free "entertainment" on a (usually)daily basis. So I'm not going to bust my hump on a broken computer trying to catch up when i know I'll just fall more and more behind. Instead, I offer you this, I will try my DAMNEDEST to stay a few days ahead on coloring strips from now on so this kind of thing doesn't have to happen again. Deal? Also: I'm still toying with this news format, so expect it to evolve.

New Site Design by Eight of Road Waffles. Groovy eh?

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